A Fight for our Lives – Part 1

There are some days that we get along with the southern conservative folks who live around us here in the Bible Belt. But there are other days that we really really do not. This is evident the most when we look at the school system and how public educators interact with Aaron.

After months or arguing and dealing with the principal and teachers who misgendered Aaron often, we had decided to homeschool Aaron even after covid was over. This seemed to be even closer as both my husband and myself lucked into some left over round 1 shots of Moderna at Publix near our home. Even though I don’t technically qualify yet, they needed to give the shots to SOMEONE so there we were to take them. But regardless, we knew that next year, when in-person school started again, we were up against the world for Aaron.

That said, we were super upset by an email that came out of left field from the principal which stated we were going to be referred to the county attendance office because Aaron simply wasn’t doing his work fast enough, and she threatened to take us to court to resolve it.

I don’t handle threats like that lightly. So I wrote a letter to the superintendent

Good Morning Mrs Reese,

We are writing you this morning out of frustration, desperation, and the inability to make progress with the principal at Heritage Middle School when it comes to matters regarding our son, Aaron Haley. At this point, we have begun to research our rights and options when it comes to seeking legal measures and assistance from the ACLU of Georgia as well as filing a formal complaint with the OCR within the US Department of Education. These are measures we would prefer not to have to take, as we believe strongly in the cooperation of parents and teachers (along with administration) to assist our child in his successful education. 

We would like to start by acknowledging a few things about our child. Aaron is a 14 year old who is very bright, but is also a typical 14 year old in many respects. For his own merits, he can be both brilliant and infuriating all in the same moment. Like many 14 year old boys, Aaron doesn’t love school, and has many other things he’d rather spend his time on – friends, youtube, video games, etc. And like many parents of many 14 year old boys, it is our job to discipline and follow through to ensure that he learns how to appropriately apply himself at his task of education. We are not so naive as to believe that our son has not contributed to his struggles and indeed the grades he has through his own avoidance of the situations at hand, nor do we believe that it is entirely the responsibility of the school to make him succeed. We know our son is our responsibility first and foremost and that both parents and teachers must work together to help a child be successful.

Unlike typical boys his age, Aaron is transgender. He was assigned female at birth, and identifies male. Also unlike typical boys his age, Aaron has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and has a 504 plan. And much like typical boys his age, Aaron is aware of how his individualities make him different from other kids. 

The reason we bring this up is because these individualities have become a source of pain for us and the administration at Heritage Middle and we believe they are impacting their ability to assist our child in his success. We have had 3 consecutive years of encounters and difficulties with Mrs Butler and Mr Davis regarding Aaron’s rights and protections as a transgender child, including how his teachers should refer to him and address him, how other children have bullied him and what should be done, and what is appropriate for his protection. Teachers misgender him, admin misgenders him, and use the wrong pronouns often. Teachers refer to him as a girl often and deliberately, and it is an extremely difficult thing to endure mentally for Aaron — who socially presents as a boy and has for over 2 years and at this point there is no reason that teachers/admin wouldn’t know exactly what is appropriate for our child. We recognize Aaron may not be the most common kid that this administration will ever encounter, but he has a legal right to being protected from being bullied and treated differently due to his gender identity. While the guidance team has been impeccably supportive, we have had only conflict from Mr Davis, Mrs Butler and certain teachers, along with the flat out denial of treating our child differently. 

This conflict has included repeated instances of bullying where administration chose not to get involved with the reasoning as to not “infringe on the religious beliefs of other students.” (Such beliefs that the administration shares with said students). Bullying that resulted in physical injury to Aaron (ie rocks thrown at him, bruises and cuts on his back, etc), social and emotional assault (being told to kill himself daily) and religious attacks (being told he was a mistake and God never meant for him to turn out like this). These issues were coming to a head in March of 2019 and we honestly believe that COVID has saved our son’s life, because he was removed from all those situations. 

But Aaron’s gender identity is not the only place he has been failed by the school. Aaron’s anxiety disorder was diagnosed when he was in 3rd grade and he has had a 504 plan ever since. We have asked yearly about updating his 504 and have been told repeatedly that we only do it once ever 3 years. It hasn’t been changed since 2018. We have asked directly about how his 504 was going to be honored when the kids went fully virtual with COVID and were advised that none of it really applied, it was all “classroom adjustments.” We have expressed concerns about how this format is best for him (he has asthma) but that it isn’t working, and we have been advised that it’s Aaron’s fault over and over and over again. 

One of the very specifically cited provisions for Aaron is that there is “regular communication” between the parents and teachers. For the majority of the pandemic, we have received regular communication with the teachers and with Mrs Butler. They have been very consistent in letting us know what is going on, what is missing, and what is complete. The last time that we heard from Mrs Butler was a zoom conference meeting we requested and attended on January 26th. Since that time, we have been checking in with our son, and have been advised consistently that he was caught up and on track. Since we have not been contacted by //anyone// except for once when we were cc’d on an email to Aaron from Mrs Forkner on 3/5, we believed this to be true – especially regarding the fact that Mrs Forkner and Aaron were emailing back and forth about missing work (that Aaron provided screenshots of the completed work to her and she insisted it was missing).  Our son (as many 14 year olds do) was not being entirely honest with us. But, of significant concern is the fact that we were not communicated with whatsoever directly by any teacher or administrator for 6+ weeks. 

Another of the specifically cited provisions is that work is to be give in “manageable” parts as denoted on 504. Both the science and social studies teachers  have given gigantic lists of missing work and things he must do. This is overwhelming and counter productive as his 504 calls for manageable parts and even I myself am overwhelmed at the lists they send him. While I understand that he has work to catch up on, this presentation itself is counter-intuitive and a violation of the way he should be taught according to his 504 provisions – and for good reason as it creates significant anxiety and stress which causes him to shut down instead of being able to work and process through the material. 

Now, Mrs Butler is reaching out aggressively, referencing attendance issues, missing assignments, and offering no solutions or considerations for his 504 plan. She has threatened us and we are beyond floored at the tone of her email considering she and her team are in direct violation of Aaron’s 504 plan, and have been treating him differently than other children (even other children of our own) in an absolutely discriminatory manner which further aggravates the situation.  Mrs Butler has referred us to CART and has been discussing taking action in court regarding Aaron’s attendance. This is not the first time she has threatened us – early in the pandemic, Mrs Butler came to our home and directly threatened our son about this matter, to the point that we felt the need to ask her to leave. We believe that at this point we have been backed into a corner and must research our legal protections and how to proceed from here if necessary. 

Of that research, we have come to understand two important facts;

Firstly we have read and understand the protections our son has from discrimination as a transgender student and we know that we meet the requirements for the ACLU to represent Aaron in the way that he has been discriminated against – not by other students but by teachers and admin refusing to protect him in the ways that they would protect specifically cisgender Christian children being bullied for their own beliefs or faith. We know that Aaron has a right to be protected and we know that the ACLU will take our case. 

Secondly, we also know that the US Dept of Ed takes 504 violations extremely seriously and have consulted with several professionals over the weekend to verify that his 504 has been grossly violated not only by lack of update, but by disregarding several of the 6 provisions made for him including manageable parts as well as regular communication with parents. We know these violations could result in suspension or loss of license and we know that these violations meet the criteria of a complaint.

We absolutely believe that there is a resolution in our reach, with some additional guidance and intervention from you, Mrs Reese. We believe that the administration at Heritage Middle is doing their best, but we also believe in holding our educators to the standards at which they are legally required. Educating our children is a vital core in our community and is their job and their dedication are the thing that makes a huge difference. We cannot express enough how important teachers are in our lives, and we value the profession highly above others — our own brothers are teachers and we believe this is so important. We also believe that sometimes people’s own prejudices and challenges interfere with their ability to do their jobs properly, and as his parents, it is our job to make sure that Aaron has the tools and assistance he needs to be successful. 

More to come soon! Read how this was responded to in part 2 😀