Just One Teacher

A few short weeks ago, (maybe 2?) we were at our wits end with the school. We invoked legal rights, threatened the school with a lawsuit and went all in. We had a very formal meeting with half the school (LOL) and made a new plan for Aaron’s success in school.

The one factor that the school sort of side stepped and just “resolved” before we ever got there was the teacher that they knew was the problem and we had called out by name more than once before. The principal had told us previously that we couldn’t switch teachers and we had previously made it very clear that we weren’t happy with her. When we started getting the superintendent involved, that teacher was the first to get swapped off the team. The principal knew we had issues with the way she conducted class, misgendered Aaron “accidentally” very often and simply “didn’t have time” for our sons which she had said as much in an email.

We didn’t have to fight and argue for that, which we were fully prepared to do, and we were grateful. But we had no clue just how much of a difference that one teacher would make. She was replaced with an 8th grade science teacher named Mr Lankford. Within 2 weeks of work, Aaron is not only caught up on Science (which he had been 30+ assignments behind on), he has already finished it for the year (5 weeks early) with an A. Then, they moved on to social studies, which Aaron had been equally behind on. I got an email yesterday that they are 6 assignments away from being fully caught up. When I checked yesterday, Aaron had excellent grades in all his classes and was directly on pace and not at all behind in one single subject.

When asked, Mr Lankford replies that Aaron is very dedicated and just needed someone to believe in him. He speaks highly of Aaron and says that our son has been working very hard to get caught up and done. He says that Aaron is extremely intelligent and is knocking the socks off of this work. The one session Aaron had with the previous teacher they had argued for an hour about the correct answers and then after completing one assignment together, she said she wasn’t giving him credit for it because “she had done it all.”

Now, I don’t know exactly what conversation was had with Mr Lankford and the school staff before our meeting, I don’t know what the superintendent told them or what was said about how they were to handle this. But I DO know that the difference is night and day.

Amazingly —- almost as if we’d predicted it or something — when Aaron is respected for the person he is, isn’t called “Alina” (his birth name) or misgendered, he gets down to business and gets the work done. When he doesn’t have to argue to be believed about who he is, when he doesn’t have to feel intimidated by the teacher or worried about what she’s going to call him next…… he is suddenly free to learn and just do what any 8th grade boy needs to do. He puts his mind to it, busts his butt, and gets the work done.

Many times, people don’t realize how much their validation of a person does for them. People don’t think its anything magical – “Its just pronouns. Its just a “preferred name” its not really their name….. ” – these concepts that enter our minds and allow us to believe that the trans experience is not important can leave our kids immobile, stuck, and hopeless. In New Amsterdam (A medical drama TV Show on NBC), there is an episode about prejudices and how under-represented people want to be treated. A trans person on that show states “Its not about the pronouns, Max. Its about you believing me.”

That statement spoke such significant volumes to me.

Regardless of the old teacher and her use or non-use or Aaron’s pronouns, it didn’t matter because Aaron knew she didn’t believe him. The new teacher simply accepts Aaron for who he is and moves forward with no further time or thought dedicated to it.

When our children are given the opportunity to just BE – and not have to prove themselves or advocate for themselves or stick up for themselves or demand respect for themselves – they are free to dedicate their time and energy to learning, to exploring, and to growing their knowledge. Take these factors off the table and our kids are able to just exist as kids.

And that’s all they really want anyway — to be normal kids.