The Stupid Bathroom Debate
We have talked a lot lately on Facebook and sitting around in conversations and such about trans kids playing sports, using public restrooms, and a myriad of other simple rights that normal human beings have. I don’t want to talk about sports because my husband and I disagree about that on a basic level and I haven’t found inner resolution on that yet – except to say I don’t think there’s a good answer yet.
Bathrooms, on the other hand, are something that seem really stupid to be a problem. I was reading my brother’s facebook post which was a meme post going around.
Most of the comments were educated discussions about how people don’t actually care about what someone in the next stall is “working with” and everyone just wants to pee in peace, including trans persons. One girl said that she thought it was more about making people comfortable.
I chimed in after my brother did talking about passing privilege. The thing that I find out about many “No trans folks in restrooms” arguers is that they would have no clue if a person was trans. We commonly call this knowing or “being able to tell” as “clocking” a person. (IE: I was at the grocery store and this gorgeous trans woman came up to me and I never would have clocked her). I shared a few photos I keep saved on my phone for such an occasion, pointing out I would MUCH rather have a man such as this trans gentleman using the men’s room as opposed to the women’s.
Hilariously enough, the entire conversation derailed into a discussion about how very attractive this man was, and how my friend Alyssa wouldn’t mind him walking into anywhere!
I think that a lot of people could benefit and learn a lot about trans people by following some of the influencers on Instagram. Here are a few that I follow that show just how average (or GORGEOUS) many trans people look.
https://www.instagram.com/trans_queens/
https://www.instagram.com/hot.transmen/
I guess my point today is that its really important to normalize trans people and help cis people (non-trans people) understand that trans folks aren’t some weird variation or perversion, like so many lawmakers in North Carolina would have you to believe. If you can actually get to know some trans folks, you will learn a lot about yourself, them, and humans in general. And trans folks, just like cis folks, just want to pee in peace in a public restroom!
At first, I was worried about Aaron going into the men’s room alone. But to be really honest, I’m worried about my cis boys going into the men’s room alone too. Creepy gross dudes exist everywhere and no sign on the wall that says “ONLY CIS FOLKS HERE” is going to change that at all. It only contributes to the separate but equal mentality that we worked so hard to defeat in the 60’s regarding racism and segregation between blacks and whites.
While the bathroom discussion was a big thing last year (a few years ago? Covid has destroyed my sense of time) my friend Tiffany was drug out of a women’s room by police and made to leave the movie theatre. Some woman in there thought she was a dude because she dresses masculine. Tiffany is not a dude, she isn’t trans, she’s not even non binary. She simply prefers to dress masculine – with a short haircut, sports bras, and t shirts and shorts.
This is yet another problem with making rules about something you don’t know anything about. If you can’t tell the difference between a cis woman and a trans woman, then you absolutely need to keep quiet about the whole thing. And, as demonstrated by the best photos ever —- you really can’t tell.
